saden TLC

yep yep.. blog ni mmg tempat aku untuk lepaskan rase geram n sakit hati.. kalau happy2 haram la nk tulis kt sini kan.. eh jap.. ade ke happy2 lately? hurm.. jappp.. jappp.. ehh.. xde kot.. kah kah kah!

so mmg aku tgh geram.. n sakit hati.. tp normal la.. hidup kalau sorg2 pon ko leh sakit hati tetibe.. ni kan plakk.. ohokk.. terbatuk jap.. mmg diakui mcm2 jadi lately.. jap naik jap turun.. bile naik tu mmg mencanak je.. same impak bile ia turun.. keh keh.. whadehel.. life is like this yall..

tp xpe geram2 ni moga2 kejap je la.. kang lelame kang ade yg meroyan plak.. aku le tu.. sbb pihak lagi satu jenis xde perasaan.. so bile org yg penuh emosi dan perasaan konfrontasi sama org yg buat muke ikan saden mmg mencabar iman dan akal.. huhuhu..

xpe la.. sesaden2 pon tetap menjadi pojaan hati ku ini.. nak nak kalu saden TLC.. nyumm.. huhuhu.. beli kat speedmart 99 hanya rm2.20 utk tin besar.. eh tetibe iklan plak.. hehehe.. so plg kuat pon tanye n tanye.. tp tanye byk2 mmg menambahkan saket jiwa.. so last2 on laptop main game.. selesai.. encik saden pon dh tido dh ni.. huhu..

so tinggal la i si emo-girl bermain ngan perasaan.. ha ni la masalah kalau imagination level 9000.. seme pon ko imagine.. seme pon nk sendu sendu.. i mensampah betul jd org emo ni.. abg saden rilek je tido i plak nk sendu.. eh boring.. drpd aku sendu baik aku buat bende lain.. seperti menidurkan diri ngan costume paling hawt ke.. or ape2 lah.. kah kah!

tp abg saden i kalau dh tido mintak maap la nk terjaga2.. okla.. drpd aku continue menaip nama saden byk2 kali n di kala in future nnt die baca plak blog ni (which is impossibru.. n anganan ku yg begitu kuat..) kang dah nk kene minta maap tiap kali nk makan saden TLC.. huhu.. so ade baiknye aku stop..

okla.. dah la.. nk emo2 pon buat pe.. chawdious!

kecil impak besar

i've decided to hit the bed like 15 mins ago.. but i just cant sleep.. so i took my phone.. view some pictures.. dolly.. mooks.. fauzaan tgh tido.. aiddil main keta.. safiyyah br bgn tido n aeen kembungkan pipi.. tetibe mata berair.. hati sebak je.. rindu kot.. hehehe..

malam tadi mimpi.. aiddil duk kat riba baca ABC.. tanye die dh mkn ke belum.. asik ABC ABC.. bagus la.. nnt kt sekolah tu best student la die.. heheh.. then terus terjaga.. terus sebak.. haha.. penangan budak kecik.. besar..

almost 3 weeks xjumpe anak2 buah.. rindu lain mcm.. maybe sebab jiwa tgh kacau bilau.. selalu pi rumah sane.. tp depa xde.. lepak tgk tv je la.. tp pasni dh xmcm dulu kot..

hati ni pendam beribu2 perasaan.. sabar adalah perasaan yg kaver all the other feelings i have now.. sabar3.. kdg2 terlepas jugak.. tp masih waras.. sabar3.. time2 camni.. mcm2 terlintas dlm kepala.. sampai bile? ujian ke ni? ke petunjuk? boleh ke? betul ke? ape2 pon soklan.. jawapan buat mase ni.. sabarkan dulu..

so drpd pk mcm2.. layan pics cinonet2 tu.. hmm.. kalau lah ade sendiri.. hehehe.. xtau la sampai bile baru nk terlelap.. hmm.. xpe.. layan jer..

got problem?

problems are everywhere.. right? or anyone can tell me 1 place where there is no single problem ever occur.. tell me kalau ade lah.. takde kan? hehe.. so entry ni bukan nk cite pasal problem aku.. tp cite on how nk handle problem..

pada mule.. the way i face problem is simply go berserk about it.. tapi lame2 cam x solve pon problem tu.. in fact create more problem ade la.. huhu.. mmg tgh serabut.. tp last2 aku wat bodoh je problem ni.. bukan nk lari.. cume nk get-away kejap before aku jadi betul2 gile.. hoho..

problem problem.. asal la menyusahkan sgt? huhu..

life touched this heart again..

as a married woman.. the feeling to carry a life in my womb is the most expected feeling ever.. no doubt that i want to have a child of my own.. after 2 years of marriage.. no sign of im getting pregnant.. its ok.. i never had the feeling that i am a failure.. a loser of what-so-ever as i am a very positive human being about this matter.. im ok with it.. as some might crying all night.. stress out their life.. but im ok..

as i always plastered in my mind that its not in my power to make sure i got pregnant.. its God's power.. all i can do is try and try.. but at some point.. i just stop trying and just enjoy the life.. i dont want to push myself so hard and at the end my heart breaks whenever i saw spot of blood stained my undergarment..

so i live the life.. i enjoy living.. (not so enjoyable 2-3 months ago) but anyway.. out of sudden.. tonight.. my mind wandering.. what if i die tomorrow.. i have no son or daughter to continue this blood.. i will never have the experience giving birth.. no one will call me mummy.. this tits will never be full of milk.. n the sad part.. no one will pray for me.. or misses me.. (except my husband) but this is in the perspective of mother-children relationships.. i know very well that my husband is gonna be crazy for 4-5 months if i die.. or less? haha.. i dont know.. how should i know?

the thought of all my sisters-in law have the experience 'berpantang' with my mom.. but.. i never did? all my brothers gave my mom and dad grandchildren and i never did..

my mind went a bit over the edge tonite.. i memorized the way Aiddil (my nephew) hugged me.. he was running toward me and scream 'Cik Yong'.. it can be my kid u know.. screaming 'Mummy!'.. i only play with him whenever im around at my mom's house.. i can do better if i had kid.. 24-7.. i can play with them.. teach them ABC and 123..  bathe them.. feed them.. put them to bed.. bed time stories.. my Opah chu style.. buy them good toys.. good clothes.. i just wish..

but hey.. i said if only i die tomorrow.. no one know when they will die.. i hope im not dying soon.. for those who wanted kid but still no luck.. hey.. dont stress urself up.. work on it.. and at the same time.. enjoy life.. for those who already has kids and u felt very tired to deal with ur kids.. read this entry again..

well thought im the most positive human being ya? guess what.. i thought wrong.. im only human.. hmm.. i better off now.. or else laptop will get short-circuited..